1. KINGS OF LEON ‘YOUTH AND YOUNG MANHOOD’ –

2. THE WHITE STRIPES ‘ELEPHANT’

3. DAVE CLARKE ‘DEVIL’S ADVOCATE’ – In the year of rock’s resurrection, Dave Clarke’s exhilarating excursion into techno, house, hip-hop and punk shows that in the hands of the right person, dance music can engage as much as guitars. (CL)

4. RADIOHEAD ‘HAIL TO THE THIEF’ – Back again though in less difficult mood, Radiohead even managed to fit a couple of guitars onto their sixth album much to the joy of all concerned. And from the opening ferocious blast of the title track, ‘Hail To The Thief’ continued to tear away and re-sculpt rock’s conventions. (CL)

5. NOISESHAPER ‘THE SIGNAL’ - Soft, mellifluous dub is a nice antidote to the starkness of yesterday’s 160bpms and today’s thrice-synched lyrics and two-steps. ‘The Signal’ is a lovely album to listen to and with oodles of talent in the right places it also has an unrelenting CD-shelf life that’s nudging aside all my other ‘favourite’ albums. Lets hear it for Noiseshaper. They’re not noisy and they’re not geometrically shaped. In fact, they’re quite soothing and very well-rounded. (RS)

6. INTERPOL ‘TURN ON THE BRIGHT LIGHTS’ - Sounding like The Cure meets Joy Division ‘Turn On The Bright Lights’ is faultless from beginning to end. Here's hoping they don't suffer from Strokes syndrome and release the First Album Mark Two in a year or so. Interpol hint at great things on this first release. (NM)

7. THE FIERY FURNACES ‘GALLOWSBIRD’S BARK’ – A genuine brother and sister duo whose lyrical nonsense and wailing feedback hid a searing emotional intensity under a carpet of brilliant psychedelic noise. (CL)

8. SPIRITUALIZED ‘AMAZING GRACE’ - Jason Spaceman fuzzes-out with this great collection of tooth-rattling feedback drone-songs. (RS)

9. THE POSTAL SERVICE ‘GIVE UP’ – Gloriously uncomplicated computer pop. Prefab Sprout meets a ZX Spectrum. (SM)

10. BASEMENT JAXX ‘KISH KASH’ – Continuing to re-create the sounds of a noisy party, ‘Kish Kash’ sees the Jaxx continue to write songs that are complex, messy, over-produced and extremely good fun. (CL)


Best Single

1. WHITE STRIPES ‘SEVEN NATION ARMY’ – Okay so Outkast put in late challenge, but ‘Seven Nation Army’ was released at the start of the year and you’re probably still playing air guitar to it right now. The song was the soundtrack to the year and shot the Detroit duo to fame. (CL)

2. OUTKAST ‘HEY YA’ – This is the future of music. Pop, rock, jazz, soul, electro and even a little bit of hip-hop jumbled up and reassembled by the insane creativity of Outkast. Catchy, fun, witty and unique. (CL)

3. BEYONCE KNOWLES ‘CRAZY IN LOVE’ - Her voice says good gospel girl, her body says brazen hussy. If ever a record was recognised and liked by just about everybody it is ‘Crazy In Love’. “Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-ho-ah” she sings. ‘Ting-ting-ting-ting-ting-ting’ goes the cow bell. (RH)

4. ATLAS ‘STANDING ON SHOULDERS’ – A perfect pop tune from a mixed bunch of Kiwis, Aussies and Scandinavians residing in East London, it’s like the Cardigans meeting The Sundays only better. They haven’t even got a record deal anymore. For shame. (CL)

5. BROADCAST ‘PENDULUM’ – Much overlooked work of electro pop genius. You idiots, what were you thinking!? (SM)

6. CHUNKING ‘MAKING MUSIC’ – Beautiful, stirring soul with an electronic brain. Joyful and sad at the same time. (CL)

7. LFO ‘FREAK’ - Fantasic mutant scuzoid old skool bass rumbler. (SH)

8. 50 CENT ‘P.I.M.P’ – Kettle drums, Snoop Dogg and 50 whistling through the hole in his cheek. Enough said. (CL)

9. INTERPOL ‘OBSTACLE NO. 1’ - The stand out track from Turn On the Bright Lights album prefectly encapsulates this band's sound. New York punk riffage by way of gloomy Manchester basslines. I for one can't think of anything better. (SH)

10. ‘YEAH YEAH YEAHS ‘MAPS’ - Blisteringly effective ballad from one of the years finest albums. (SH)

Best Gig

1. BASEMENT JAXX: HAMMERSMITH PALAIS, LONDON - By the same process that saw Westlife’s cover of ‘Mandy’ recently voted best pop record of 2003 (i.e. it was number one at the time and fresh in people’s minds) the recent Basement Jaxx gig wins Eyeballkid’s gig of the year because it was a Christmas cracker. Part of the novel tour of London’s regions (North, South, East and West) the Hammersmith Palais was packed to the rafters with punters eager for a repetition of their ‘Rooty’ tour. And except for the lack of bikini clad dancers that’s what they got. High energy beats, lyrically gifted MCs, cool vocalists and impressive back drops whipped the crowd into a frenzy for an hour and a half before the venue went into chill-out mode and continued the party until 3am. A well thought out and very successful night. (RH)

2. MAJESTICONS: 93 FEET EAST, LONDON – Good meets evil in a hip-hop drama as producer and DJ Mike Ladd brings his Majesticons vs Infesticons trilogy on the road. Audience participation is demanded and you end up involved in the power struggle while Ladd sends contemporary mainstream hip-hop and r’n’b by doing it better. (CL)

3. CHICKS ON SPEED: ISLINGTON ACADEMY, LONDON - Hi tech, feminist punk mayhem from three shouting ladies of questionable virtue. Like children with attention deficit syndrome AND tourettes, gone bad on too much sugar. (SM)

4. RADIOHEAD: POINT THEATRE, DUBLIN - The moment when all that sonic experimentation finally made sense an awesome spectacle from a band at the height of their powers. (SH)

5. TINDERSTICKS: CENTRAL PARK, NEW YORK - Free, sunshine, picnic rugs, red wine and the sun going down -says it all really. (NM)

Best Video

JUNIOR SENIOR – ‘D-D-DON’T STOP THE BEAT’ - This should have gone to the White Stripes for the technically proficient ‘Hardest Button to Button’ video but never let it be said that these accolades are nothing if not eclectic and open minded. Accompanying possibly the most annoyingly catchy single of the year (not a category) the video was a computer animation that looked like it was done on a Spectrum 48K - all big pixels and block colours. There was a cheeky squirrel in it who stole a horse and jumped over some cars. In the end he flew off in Darth Vader’s Ty Fighter. Silly really but suited the song perfectly. (RH)

Best Film

1. CITY OF GOD - Straight out of Brazil. Kinetic camerawork and five star perfomances from a largely amateur cast insured this was one of the surprises of the year. Featured death, loyalty, treachery and chickens. Mmmm chicken. (SH)

2. GOODBYE LENIN – A witty and inventive story sees an East German teenager try to recreate post-Communist Berlin for his mother who re-emergence from a coma comes after the fall of the Wall and the socialist society she dedicated her life to. The films swings from comedy to melodrama all the while trying to understand how we recreate history amid our own personal narrative. (CL)

3. PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN - Universal appeal, an almost entirely British cast, a gorgeous leading lady and the most original character creation for years means that ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ wins this category hands down. Johnny Depp’s comical character Jack Sparrow, inspired by ageing rocker Keith Richards, cemented the actor’s reputation for selective creativity and has mileage enough for a sequel. Bizarrely based on a theme park ride, the film itself manages to avoid Disney cheese almost entirely to deliver a witty blend of swashed buckles, swabbed poop decks, special effects and an imaginative storyline. The ladies love Orlando Bloom, the gents fancy Kiera Knightley and the kids dig the wooden eye of Mackenzie Crook. Everyone’s happy. (RH)

4. KILL BILL – Tarantino trades macho posturing and gratuitous violence for lady-posturing and stylized violence. And people say he’s not versatile. (SM)

5. FAR FROM HEAVEN - Todd Haynes directs Julianne Moore in this period-perfect homage to the 1950s melodramas of Douglas Sirk. (NM)

Best TV Programme

MONKEY DUST - How difficult is it to award this category? it is almost impossible to pick a winner without sounding either predictable (Bo Selecta), pretentiously serious (Channel 4 News) or just downright charitable (You’ve Been Framed/Today with Des and Mel). However, BBC Three’s animated comedy sketch show ‘Monkey Dust’ wins for its daringly dark and bad taste view of contemporary life, as well as its striking animation style. Featuring characters such a hapless closet homosexual trying desperately to summon the courage to go cottaging, and the lovably simple Geordie ‘Meat Locker Murderer’ who, every episode, gets released from life imprisonment only to fall foul to a cynical modern society that leads him to kill again, Monkey Dust is tonic to a PC culture that is in danger of taking itself too seriously. (RH)

2. CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION - Most people find it hard to distinguish between left and right these days, let alone two concurrently run series of CSI. Whilst having to deal with close-up arterial embolisms, bullets ricocheting internally within a human thorax and the time-skipped process of human putrefaction, the weekly C5 double episode CSI-in's take place in Miami and then Las Vegas once you have caught your breath. Like a hair advert, criminals are brought to the fore with an obligatory 'science-bit' that recreates the facts behind each and every Opening Scene Murder. Whether just dipping in or yelling at the kettle to hurry up, this show has to be one of the most stylish and well produced shows I have seen in 2003. Because of CSI, I know you can extract mitochondrial DNA from inside teeth (which are largely fireproof) but that’s nothing to what “actually happens” to a human leg when put through a wood-chipper .... muhahaha. Dark, fast and clever, this is a thinking person’s Sherlock Holmes with US Cable style and panache. Gruesome yet awesome. (RS)

3. QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY – Five totally fabulous he-bitches wax a fat guy’s back, teach him to flambé and decorate his flat in order to make him acceptable to the female species. The straight man can typically be heard to say, “So, like…skid marks are NOT okay? Is that a gay thing, cause I’ve totally always had them?” (SM)

4. BIG BROTHER THE EXPERIMENT – While reality tv continues to film itself digging its own grave, this one bright spot gave us back what we loved so much about it, naïveity. The teens were wide-eyed for a minute then soon forgot where they were and gave us a wonderful week’s worth of trantrums, shouting, bitching, moaning and finally coming out at the end about as real as they went in. (CL)

5. MATTHEW KELLY ON FRANK SKINNER - gripping and cringe-inducing at the same time. Kelly quizzes Skinner on whether, now that Kelly has been cleared of all charges, Skinner still stands by the paedophile jokes he made about Kelly on live telly, on the day he was cleared. (NM)

Twat of the year

GEORGE W. BUSH - Whoever it is who let George W Bush say “What the Israelis and Palestinians need to do is sit down and discuss things like good Christians”. Hero or Villain – you decide. Either way, eventually people are going to look forward to seeing George Dubya step off Air Force One. “Tell us the one about the French!” they’ll shout. “Say something else!” they’ll beg. Apparently there are enough ‘Bushisms’ to fill a 365 day desk calendar which is bound to be a hot cake this Xmas. With Saddam safely behind bars the next election is in the bag and we can look forward to another four years of edge-of-your-seat nervous tension in global politics – but with a comedy twist. What strange times we live in. (RH)

SIMON COWELL - Continuing his success with Pop Idol, this year Simon has shown a Dickensian ability to worm his way (via txt) into more pockets than ever before. Understanding that his insatiable need for young, malleable creatures might be explained by having an incredibly small....minded-view about “what we find interesting” vs. “what we find everywhere”, might make it easier to “ahem” swallow. Nevertheless, we must admit that the dark Mordor-esque influence of this nefarious and morally negligent character is starting to kill music. The top ten has become a weekly gong-hunt for production teams around the world where the best filter wins. If we look at an average bunch of Number 3’s to Number 15’s we can happily say 2003 was the Year Of The Same. To clarify, we know he has access to the best justice money can buy and sue the arse of anyone he cares to. I say we should throw caution to the wind and bring this talentless jestser down, with the leonine claws of public opinion firmly embedded in his fat neck, before the concept of creativity utterly, utterly vanishes. (RS)

and the winner is. . .
For his continual disregard for any other nation rather than his own, for his pig-headed pursuit of the world's natural resources, for his refusal to co-operate with global environmental protocols and for the fact that he appears to be quite stupid, it , it has to be Gary Neville. (RH)